Companionship or Self centered decision

I should have chosen for the formal.

Sometimes I won't deny this term " action speaks louder than words"
it's easy to say, easy to give promises, easy to say I will nt give up, easy to say I will
commit etc... But when u get dwn to your actions, everything seems to change! When I looked back and compare to this date, it was never easy!! When you've tried but things doesn't seems to change, what does this imply then? It's like you are in an open sea, struggling to reach the shore but was constantly being drifted away by the current. So sometimes in life, it's not how much you've tried, it's not how much effort u are willing to put in. If situation doesn't change, just like if the current remain strong, you will never reach the shoreline!! You may fuck swear and curse this analogy, but If it ever strike a chord with u, this is for you! Definitely I hate this, but I'm trying to accept this.

My focus is slowly shifting. I need to work really hard ( there you go, WORDS of proclaimation) , stay driven and make the best out of life.
I need to be prudent coz I need my camera at the end of this year!!!

I'm feeling nausea now man!! Damn maybe I need kimchi like pregnant ladies need their prunes! Only difference, after 8mths their tummy will be deflated, my unborn has been there for years!! Alright need to really slp now, else I will be really grumpy tmr!! Gd night

I'm missing the companionship....

Oh man it's HOME ALONE for me today!!
Everyone seems to have their own programmes EXCEPT me, so it's pretty apparent tt I need to find mine too.
Was feeling pretty listless today!! I came back from lunch and slept through the entire afternoon!! So lethargic...

I woke up with sky almost dark.
Called Nua Kia and off we went to cp to settle dinner!!
As usual, once I set on kopitiam, the first stall is always the Korean store!! I wouldn't say the kimchi was fantastic but if it satisfies my craving for sour stuff, why not!! This dinner was pretty rush because nua Kia gotta book in!! After dinner, went to settle my credit card bill! As I'm meeting lk for some mind therapy session ard 10plus, i've realised tt there were still excess time. Would love to chill at starbucks if not for my full stomach! So decided patronise my favourite store, SUPERMARKET!! I could easily kill time at the supermarket. I miss gathering at my place, I will need to plan 1 this sat!! I will whip some food, have some champagne and just chill out!!! Can't wait!!

Now this is a funny encounter I had at Cold Storage!! There was this china man with 3 boxes of cherries on his hand. I caught him at this condom shelf where I believe he was meddling which flavour to get. He looked pretty panicky!! Then he dropped his cherries!! Feeling embarrassed, he swiftly picked all the cherries up and placed them back to the box. All eyes were fixed on him and it was pretty awkward for him.. I could have burst into laughter but I've tried to control.. It's was damn hilarious. Boxes of cherries and cherry-flavoured condoms, sounds kinky huh!! When older generation says tt china is rising up, u better heed tt advice!! Even china man are improving luscious night activities, maybe having theme like cherry night etc... Classic!!

Alright enough of phony baloney for the night.. Tmr is menopause Monday again!!! Time to finish my game and rest for the night!!!
Sweet dreams!!!

Oh man, today was such a draining day for me, BUT I had FUN !!!
Hit town with buds earlier today, and we pigged out !
Hoping from one place to another just to have really nice food.
And it was fun catching up with one another :)

After town, I've decided to meet Sivachandru Vijayan and clique. It has been a really long time since I last saw them. We hit Le Noir @ Clarke Quay just to chill out. The place was really good and we just had a bottle and some shots to go along with. Le Noir is a small bar, but it does have a small dance floor and the music was pretty good. It's a nice chill out place !

Hmm so whats up for tmr ?
Soccer @ noon and I'm going to this nice beach bar @ Sentosa tmr afternoon after my match. Heard many good reviews and I would love to try smth lil different. So tmr will be another chill out day for me and I would really need to go on Detox on sunday !

Alright, its time to knock out. My head is pretty heavy and I could just snore within minutes !
Gd night peeps !!

Had fun at Zouk ytd. Celebrated Clare and Chris birthday. Our group was really huge, we had 10 pple in our clique. Music was superb after 2am when Andrew Chow decided to hit the podium to bring some life to the dancefloor. Whats more, the crowd was awesome !! As usual when you club, being pushed around in all directions is inevitable but ytd 3 interesting things happened.

1) A guy with a fucking B.O was dancing around us, he stinks but aint aware of it.

2) A guy wearing a white shirt was dancing vigorously with his clique of girls and he sweat like he just attended a wet tee contest. The annoying thing was, he was dead drunk to even realise that he was wet and neither was he aware of himself leaning on me. No wonder my elbow hurt so much today, I've been nudging pple off, only those who have no party-courtesy.

The last incident which took place was classic and I couldnt take it lying down.

I was with my peeps and this girl walked past me, hit me on the neck, pointed the universal sign and walked off. I was taken aback by her actions, I thought it was someone i knew but I was wrong when the universal sign reveal itself. As you know, the place will usually be packed and crowded, so my presumption was, it could be one of the guys around me who groped her and I was caught to be the goat of mistaken identity, SCAPEGOAT. She walked away too fast, else I will just walk towards her and clarify things out. Such a dumb bitch, just that my shirt is brighter than the others doesnt mean that I more detectable than the rest who will lay my fingers on you...

All in all, I had fun ytd, it was such a release and I needed that badly. Work is stressing me to my ends and I need a breakthrough. I took an urgent half day leave, will report back to work soon, get work done so that at the end of Mon, there will still be sign of life.

I'm struggling with my dreams but I cant stop them from coming. Live with it boy !

Buenos Dias!!!!

Thank God that I've survived the brutal Monday blues!! Apparently, ytd wasn't my day nor a good day to kickstart the week with. Truckload of work just for me and there were too many stuffs to handle but too lil time. I'm beginning to see the reality of the workforce. Stress level, anger management, OT, beset by superior's demands and expectations etc are beginning to unveil themselves!! I'm thankful to have been posted to SPF, it's just a blessing in disguise.

The weather during this period has been erratic and the heat is causing detrimental harm to my skin. I'm having terrible breakouts and experiencing dryness on the skin. It was then daddy decided to bring me to this specialist ytd. Dr goh is a terrific dermatologist! She've gt 2 clinics, 1 at orchard and the other one at tampines. She prescribed me with so many lotions and gels which I need to strictly adhere to in order to see results. Total bill amounted to $200, it was pricey but if it works wonder, it's definitely worth it.

Hmm it's tue morning!! My long awaited Holis are coming! Can't wait!! I'm set on going batam for a day or 2 to chill out, massage and have a whole day of cable skiing!!! Can't wait, I'm gonna plan out the details and submit the proposals!! Wohoooo it will be fun for sure :)

Now it's time to slog and work dilligently, so as to avoid OT at the end of the day!!

Just came back from Compasspoint.
Dinner was really different but it was nice being alone actually
As usual, my 1st stall to visit will be the Korean Store
I will usually get 1 bowl of kimchi for myself before thinking of what to have for main
There wasn't much choice, so I've got ban mian..

The best way to eat ban mian is to get the orange chilli sauce and pour it into ur noodles.
Its sour, spicy and appetising and the kimchi complements it
I felt like a pregnant lady who is craving for sour stuffs but thats me, i love my food to be sour !
And I LOVE KIMCHI! Omg i guess i've gotta learn to make my very own kimchi one day and I mean it !!

yeah, visited the bookstore too. Managed to get a scrapbook and some writing materials. I was being inspired to write and I've always practise sensitivity. This blog serves me well but its unable to channel what i'd really want to express, because at the end of the day, it might cause me more problems than convenience. Just like an unpleasant encounter with 2 groups of muslim family ytd who were really callow in their words when they are at fault! I would love to rant, curse and swear but I chose my scrapbook to be the alternative to what I've got to express. So for ytd's entry, string of expletives will be all over the page, and it wont even get me into any trouble.

Alright, I'm all tuckered out !!! time to rest and it will be a LONG LONG WEEKEND this week :)
Good night people !!

Passion Run 2010

Flag off time is less than 2hrs now and I want this really badly. I wana run like never before, this is my 1st half marathon, and just wana complete it!!

Pain is temporary but Pride is forever.

I will come back with the finisher Tee and the glorious medal.

Wish me luck peeps !

Good morning early birds!!
After having data plan for my phone, I've been fully utilizing it, trying to maximise the excess usage which is impossible to hit. Since I'm on my way to work now, why nt just write. Writing is a form of expression, it helps you to release every form of emotions. I've always been a blog nomad, I find pleasure in reading blogs. Blogs of friends to celebrities, I've loads of it and I've realised something. Most of the blogs I've read, which I've enjoyed reading, are those written in perfect candour. Let's just compare would you rather read a blog full of vitality like xiaxue's or would you rather read a lackluster blog like dawn? It all boils down to your personal objective of having a blog.

I want my blog to be different from this day on.
It shall be a online diary of my own
it will either compliment or offend
you choose to stay or to leave
because at the end of the day
you are just having this honour
to have a sneak peek to my life
I leave the choice to you

this is just a preface to my main entry. I'm alighting soon but I've gt so much to write. I will do it later.

Being discipline is defined to do something which you don't feeling like doing at all.

I guess my coy commander have indeed defined it well. Being discipline is never easy and it takes alot of motivation and determination to be discipline. In order to be discipline, apart from the contributing factors like determination or perserverance, you will need a goal. You must be sure of what you desire to achieve. You may ask, but that sounds simple isn't it? Yeah precisely that's the point, sometimes in life, we always have this tendacy to overlook the lil things that's smacked right in front of us. And it's due to this fact that often we make the wrong decisions, we became insensitive, we act on what we believes in and the list go on.. If only we are willing to take a step back to spot and recognize the lil details, I'm pretty sure the outcome will be different. And don't be surprise it's all these lil details which form up the big picture. So stop being ignorant and start being observant.

Today have been a draining day for me. Jumped up frm a dream and realised that it was still early. Decided to go for a run before reporting for work. Did a 5.5km run, felt satisfied! Work has been busy, auditing commences on mon, so OT is inevitable. After work I decided to hit my 30laps and i'm gonna share something that utterly disgusted me!!!

Yio chu kang swimming pool was notoriously famed to be a hunting ground for GAYS!! I wouldn't have claimed tt if not for my colleagues who had unpleasant encounters with gays. Today I had a unpleasant experience for myself. When I stepped into the shower room, there were uncles, masculine looking guys sitting on the bench,with nth on and only their eyes were at work. Feeling uncomfortable, I took my leak and left for the pool. Now at the pool, I encountered another freak. This guy swam beside me when I was on my 20th lap. He deliberately kept pace with me and swam beside me throughout my remaining laps. These pple ruined my workout!! I think I will just have to hit the pool again tmr's lunch to avoid the presence of gays. All in all, I didn't felt offensive but was just uncomfortable!

Alright it's 1030pm, I'm nt forcing myself to stay awake. I'm going to hit the sack!! Wohoo gd night pple and TGIF tmr!!

Fred you sound damn sexy !
Fred you sound damn manly !
Fred I suggest you just allow the Ipod play its song!
Fred what did you do last night...

The best comment of all from my boss; "idiot you better not speak, you sound like a babok (tranny)"
Damn damn hilarious, imagine coming that from my boss.

Was really fortunate to have been posted to my current unit and vocation. I guess the only factor that helps NS pass really fast is your COLLEAGUES and your BOSS ! Your opinion may differ from mine, but to ponder on it, so what if you have the best vocation or a vocation which you enjoyed alot, if your superior are stucked up fellows, there goes your NS life, dull mundane sucky, whatever u call it. I'm glad with mine.

And yeah, this coming Sat is my 25km race. Gosh havent been training for it except some short runs. Hmm I'm looking forward to it and hopefully I will be able to complete it without having to give up. I will go through the finishing line no matter what, even if I have to crawl.. HAHA couldnt be that exaggerating yeah? But at times, shit happens. So Fri will be a pig out day to load up those carbs and prepare for next evening race ! Exciting...

Alright its time to hit the sack, have been feeling really tired these days, at least its good, its keeps my bio-clock function normally. Its swim and tan day tmr, gonna try out my new set of googles.

Time to bid gd night to all of you.. :)

Love isn't everything
Never allow it to be a hindrance
To a promising future ahead of you
Status means nothing
Compared to the companionship we've shared

Learn to love yourself first
And allow nature to take it's course
Always fight what you want
Don't let this spirit die
But never force your way through
It only leaves you pain

So qiyou
You got to stand firm
Never allow anything to bring you down
You know what is best for you
Stay true to your conviction

Be strong and live life to the fullest
There will a better day to deal with this again

Gd Night!!!

I'm screaming for my dreams to be heard, but I ended up getting hurt

Listen to the song here in my heart
A melody I start but can't complete

Listen to the sound from deep within
Its only beginning to find release

Ohh the time has come for my dreams to be heard
They will not be pushed aside and turned
Into your own, all 'cause you won't listen

Listen!!

I am alone at a crossroads
I'm not at home in my own home
And I've tried and tried
To say whats on my mind
You should have known
Now I'm done believing you
You don't know what I'm feeling
I'm more than what
You've made of me
I followed the voice, you gave to me
But now I've gotta find my own
You should have listened

There was someone here inside
Someone I thought had died
So long ago
Oh I'm screaming out
And my dreams will be heard
They will not be pushed Aside or turned
Into your own
All 'cause you won't listen

Listen!!

I am alone at a crossroads
I'm not at home in my own home
And I've tried and tried
To say whats on my mind
You should have known
Now I'm done believing you
You don't know what I'm feeling
I'm more than what
You've made of me
I followed the voice, you gave to me
But now I've gotta find my own
You should have listened

I don't know where I belong
But I'll be moving on
If you don't, if you won't

Listen to the song here in my heart
A melody I start, but I will complete

Now I am done believing you
You don't know not what I am feeling
I'm more than what you've made of me
I followed the voice you think you gave to me

But now I got to find my own - my own

I do not know how am I going to walk on with my life
The same hard fact shattered my entire being once again
When I tried to climb up from the pit I once fell,
starting to see fresh new hopes which I once held,
I was being pushed back to the same pit again.

I am now all alone
Alone to deal with this ordeal

No one feel for me,
No one can feel what I'm feeling,
No one can understand the torment I bring upon myself,
No one can understand how much u meant to me,
No one can give me the advises I need,
No one can tell me what to do,
NO ONE !!!

Its painful, really painful.
All these while, I've been waiting, thinking that determination and perseverance will pay it off but lest did i know that it doesn't even touched u at all. Not even a single bit, but still it's your rightful decision which i respect. I could just blame myself for risking this opportunity because I thought that the outcome will be different. I was wrong about it, my self-centeredness destroyed me, my feelings deceived me, my over-confidence duped me, I felt like a foolish lil kid whom choose to stay in the Q to buy myself some candies when the shop owner said all candies have been sold out.

All in all, its the mutual feelings that both parties must have for one another to make things work out. When one dont have it for another party, there is no way love will be reciprocated even though how hard you tried, how many grueling years you've been waiting, the sacrifices you've made, IT JUST MEAN NOTHING when feelings' not there. So get it right, retarded boy !

Rationalizing and following your heart, which one will you choose. Both are equally important.

By rationalizing on details alone wont give you the conviction to your decision. You may think this guy possesses the qualities which you may think are contributing factors of being a ideal partner, but then in then if the heart doesnt follow the flow, it means nothing.

By following your heart alone, you are pursuing for what you want, not what you need. It's definitely easy to commit when you have this strong conviction in your heart, no doubts. But if you step into a r/s solely based on ur heart's calling, does that also mean that once the conviction of ur heart dies down, so does the level of commitment ? So what will the final outcome be then? Without rationalizing, you are exposing urself to 2 sides of a coin, either you will be happy or you will end up getting hurt. There are risk involved.

But if you could blend rationalization and the conviction of your heart, wouldn't you be getting the upperhand of the decision you are going to make? At least the risk level is capped at its minimum.

I don't understand, neither will i probe further.
I told myself, I wont allow friendship to be the stake on the table.
If I make it, it will be good.
But if i break it, I still need to preserve the friendship because I cherish it.
I cant imagine casting you out of my life, that's impossible.
Neither will i continue to live in my own world of denial,
I gotta burst every bubbles of hope to save me from all this torment.

I need time to regain my sanity
I need time to think things through
I need time to be who I really am
I need time to deal with the aftershocks
I need time....

How does it feels when u want a limited edition doll so badly and this unappreciative guy before you bought it, keep it and then dumped right in front of you, without feeling bothered at all when it meant something precious to you?

I will walk with me this emptiness of my heart whom no one can fill, throughout the days of my life.
I may achieve what I want in life, I may be the one to excel in my studies and craft a good career for myself, I may be the one who feels that I've got everything, BUT if this emptiness has not been filled up, everything else seems so futile and meaningless.

I'll try for my own good.....

I'm screaming for my dreams to be heard, but I ended up getting hurt

To take or not to take ?
Whatever it is, I will follow my heart

Gd night people !

PIG NIC

Went picnic earlier on.

Weather was perfect,

Food was great,

Partner is marvellous.

Had our postponed picnic at this mystery place which isnt mysterious anymore after she flipped my Safari and saw " Singapore Botanic Garden" We went Giant ytd to buy some groceries for the long awaited picnic. We had Chicken Mushroom Salad, Egg Turkey Mayo Sandwich and some snacks along the way.

Apparently, we had Ant Attack. those annoying pests are crawling on our mats, my cooler etc and w/o a shadow of a doubt, their fate was decided by our Highness Hannah. She flickered them, squashed them and fatally killed them, but they deserve it tho. haha

So that girl, look some some neoprints which has 7 yrs of history. I was flabbergasted to have seen with my own eyes some pics of her and her close friends. OMG, I do not know how to react, as if my life stopped for a sec. I was taken aback, seriously. But at the same time, it was hilarious, I should have stole a couple of them. yeah anyway, we had a great time, sharing and chatting abt everything, tho she did most of the talking, which is pretty obvious,given her personality, and i was gobbling down the food ALONE ! haha, I chanced upon some cute letters written by her previous beau. I didnt know she was so alluring, but not to be mean, she was and still is !!

*better be nice to me hannah :)

She brought me laughter when reading those letters, OMG i wouldnt believe if there's any boy who courts a girl this way, " Can i STEAD with you? "

I will faint immediately !!

It was indeed a good day and I looked forward to the next rendevous on Mon, you busy lady !

PS: For all the underserving pain that you've been thru, he is not worth your tears. You make the choice, you work towards it. No one can rush you, because once its over, IT'S OVER FOR GOOD ! DO IT GIRL, because YOU CAN !

a penny for your thought ?

What does your intuition tells you ?

I believe this qns function as a link-way between a root cause of a problem and a resolution to a problem.
Typically speaking, if you are being caught in a middle where you have to make a decision, do you give a blank check to your peers regarding the decision you've gotta take or do you follow your own intuition?
This is a question which is unavoidable and you have to make a firm stand because if you don't, your flicker-mindedness nature may just sentenced you to a much heavier penalty. You will be distress over trivial issues which may seems to be taking a toll on your life. You will be emotionally distress over NOTHING.
Ultimately, its you who is bearing the cost of this hefty price, not Joshua nor Samantha.

In conclusion, you make the decision and take a leap of faith because you will never go wrong.

*this entry is just out of a blue, just a random thought, yet something worth pondering abt :)

This period of time, many things flooded my mind, too much stuffs for my pea-sized brain.
What do i wana accomplished during this stage of my life?

I want to do so many things, but I need to have priorities ! Beside the usual aspiration of wanting to lose weight and build a healthy life for myself, I think I want to achieve more. I would want to assign this time to shape up not only my physique but my character. I would deny that I have flaws, everyone does right? But I would love to have exposure and learning trips, to see human lives out of our perspective, so that I'm able to appreciate and cherish the mustard seeds in lives. Backpacking came into my thought, and I really hope I will step out of my comfort zone, be independent and courageous to take this opportunity to visit countries like Vietnam, Philippines or Indonesia. I hope once I'm set on this, I will go all out for it, do it and accomplished it!

Yeah this has been bothering me and it definitely feels good after writing down those thoughts.

So if you happen to see a blogger whose blog is so productive, up to 3 entries per day, you will understand why. Ahem, hannah is that you ? HAHA !!!

I feel really good now !

OH OH and its MOMMY's Day!!! Wishing all the mommies in the world to be blessed with good health ! You are noble more than anyone !

LOVE YOU MOMMY !!!!!!!

GOTTA RUSH FOR MY FINALS. ITS 11pm, GOSH REFEREE VAIT FOR ME !!!!

Alright cya guys :)

Weekend has come and gone again!

I think I should have skipped the tea and the super duper long nap in the afternoon!!
Damn it's making me so energetic and hyper now!!
I need my slp seriously, but I guess I will end up tossing ard w/o catching a wink.

Today was such an eventful day. Started my day shopping ar ikea, courts and giant with my angels!
I wanted to hunt for pinic mat and this particular ikea boy brought me to a section tt sells floor mat which cost 99 bucks. Maybe he's just to busy to entertainment but this kind of svc totally pisses me off! Alright nvm abt tt, so my mom and sis gt their curtains and were both jubilated whereas I just gt myself some snacks from ikea food!!!
Next we proceeded to courts. I took this golden opportunity to ask mommy get me the electronic beater which we can both use. She bought it so willingly, so I guess it's time to get my hands on the flour and sugar whenever time permits!

Finally we went giant just to replenish food supply for our home! I enjoyed spending time at hypermarts!! Except for food, which is my weakest link, there are so many things to look out for at giant!!

After 3hrs of shopping, daddy fetch us home. Took a 4hr nap before waking up for dinner at cp with sis.
Went to serangoon to get the dopest durian puffs then dropped by to irritate hannah!! As usual tt poor girl gotta study for her exam, final paper and the toughest paper! Mine will smack me hard right after NS so I really need to recap and study soon!! So after chatting, rushed straight to catch my flight because I have a match af 11pm.
Woah frankly speaking, berbatov sucks big time!! He terribly useless and worthless! Man u may consider buying a bangaladesh along the road to score goals. Berbatov is such a useless bum!

After the match, did not join the rest for supper! I need to cut down on my calories and just train doubly hard to shed those stubborn fats! Tt reminds me tt I need to swim rme since I'm coughing profusely and is unable go run !! So tmr lunch will be swimming for me!

Hmm I'm beginning to feel slpy now. Blogging on the mobile seems to help. Alright slpy bugs eating me up, I need my slp coz it will be a long day tmr!! Damn, pms tendacy in the morn again!!! Argh...

Time to slp, gd night!!!

The 2 hottest movies, Ip Man 2 and Iron Man were released on the huge screens just few days back. Just a short review for both movies. Ip man 2 was one of a kind. Very thrilling, not draggy and yet a lil emotional. So get ur tissues rdy! But pls don't get me wrong, this is not an entirely emotional movie. It wasn't deprived of the fighting scenes which I believe were highly anticipated by the movie goers. A MUST watch movie!!

Caught iron man 2 with hannah last night. Being one of the hottest movie, there weren't slots available except the last one @ 1am. So we gt the tics and decided to just chill at the rooftop park. Ok now the review: I thought it wasn't as fantastic as the 1st one. I find it abit draggy but nonethless it's still a movie which is worth watching.. And yeah, we stayed till the cast n credits were screened and it's pretty obvious tt there's gonna be iron man 3. I guess it's still in the pipeline!! Oh yeah, rmber to get the ironman combo because the fingerine is super cool!

Alright time to slp, I haven't had a nice long slp yet n I'm typing this entry on my phone, half dazed with high tendacy to just fall aslp anytime. So pardon my language!! Gotta go, cya!!